My last mistake!

My last mistake!

I started losing myself. With 2 grams and several bottles of wine every day, I was incapable of
being a normal person. I read the consequences of these amounts of alcohol and drugs in me and I
am thankful that am still alive and most of all I am thankful that I wasn’t violent toward her. Except for
the last time. I was trying to get out of the hell but didn’t know how. I was working and supplying
myself with cocaine, but last month I couldn’t work. I was getting up late, being irresponsible, I
couldn’t remember things, my hands were shaking. So I decided, I will sell cocaine, I will get out of
the debt and try to start a new life with her, clean. I took 14 grams with me. Just to try selling them. I
took them for 900 euro and made another debt. But I did some math and came to 1,400 euro in
total. My math didn’t include my desire to take the coke by myself with my friends. And we went to
this place and I had it with me. I told my friends and they all ask for some, not offering money, of
course. And we started, 2 glasses of wine, followed by one line of coke, then one glass followed by
line, and then one glass followed by two lines. We were switching all the time for our toilet shifts.
The atmosphere on the table was awful. My wife realized what we were doing and she asked me if I
had some. I said to her that I don’t have. Then, she said to me, that she wanted a line for her. I was
happy to give her. That was her way to take it away from me, not to have some. From this
perspective, I am ashamed that I wanted my wife to take drugs with me, that I was happy when she
asked for some. Instead of protecting her, I wanted to put addiction in her nose. However, she took the cocaine and put it in her pocket. After 20 minutes, we started to be aggressive on the table. All
of us. My friends were asking for some, I told them that she has it. Then they started to follow every
move she did. And I could see that in their eyes, and I joined them. I started pushing her to give me
some, and she refused. And I started begging her that I can’t continue if she doesn’t give me some.
She went to the toilet. Next thing that I remember is that I entered into the toilet crushing her door.
Then I was all over her, catching her nose, and pulling it upward to see if she had some in her nose. I
was like an animal. All she wanted to do was to throw that away. And I wanted to take that even
from her nose. That was the first and my last time to be aggressive toward her. Now I feel so
disappointed with this action. I finished with 900-euro debt that I didn’t know how to pay it. When I
asked my friends who were taking it they all refused to give me and even neglected me as a friend.
And I hurt her, for wanting to take the cocaine from me. The only person that meant only good for
me.